To be fair...

Time changes perspective, doesn't it?  The things you previously chose to ignore or overlook resurface with increased clarity.  My last post was overly dramatic.  Yes.  Unnecessarily honest, yet inaccurate.....

So the truth: I'm happy with the way things have turned out.  I had doubts all along that I chose to ignore because the positives outweighed the negatives.  Qualities that I knew I needed in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship weren't there, but I was willing to overlook the fact that those qualities were lacking.  Not to detract from the amazing qualities that were there....

The bottom line is: deep down I knew what I wanted and needed and my decision was the right decision, regardless of how the other party felt.  We both knew something was missing.  We will both be OK.

I promise the next post will be more lively and I will refrain from airing my dirty laundry in the future.  No one wants to read it....it was more of a cathartic exercise for me.

Not that anyone is reading this anyway :-)

Two years later....

 Chicago!

I'm actually surprised that my blog is still here.  After all, it has been two years since I've blogged about anything or even checked the site.  So I guess a bit of a catching up session is in order.  I'm now living in Chicago.  It's an incredible city and even though I've only been here a year, my past lives in different cities seem distant.  Kyle started his residency here (hence the move to Chicago) and he's about to finish his first year as a real, actual doctor!  He's turning into a great doctor and he's worked incredibly hard to get through this first year.

And I'm leaving him.  When I agreed to move here with him (in lieu of a proposal) I told him he had a year to figure out what he wants for us and well, he still has no idea.  So, after almost 5 years together he doesn't know if he wants to propose and I'm tired of hoping he will.  I've found a new place to live and I move out at the end of the month.  You may be wondering how I can admit this and, at least on the surface, not seem too upset?  Hmmm, well, I was upset....I still am upset.  I was upset when he said he was going to propose before match day over a year ago and then decided he wasn't ready.  I was upset over the next year when time was ticking by and he still hadn't proposed.....I'm upset because I've known all along that he is the guy I wanted to marry.  And now I'm upset that I'm making the difficult choice to leave him when all I want to do is stay.

So there is my dirty laundry---I'm airing it out.  I'm starting over at 32 and I'm scared and unsure of what the future is going to bring, but I have a fabulous family and friends and a great dog.  A great dog unless there is another dog within 50 feet of us and then he's a barking terror on a leash.  A behavioralist/trainer is coming on Monday....

I'll be back with more updates soon.  But now it's time to turn on some music and start packing......