To be fair...

Time changes perspective, doesn't it?  The things you previously chose to ignore or overlook resurface with increased clarity.  My last post was overly dramatic.  Yes.  Unnecessarily honest, yet inaccurate.....

So the truth: I'm happy with the way things have turned out.  I had doubts all along that I chose to ignore because the positives outweighed the negatives.  Qualities that I knew I needed in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship weren't there, but I was willing to overlook the fact that those qualities were lacking.  Not to detract from the amazing qualities that were there....

The bottom line is: deep down I knew what I wanted and needed and my decision was the right decision, regardless of how the other party felt.  We both knew something was missing.  We will both be OK.

I promise the next post will be more lively and I will refrain from airing my dirty laundry in the future.  No one wants to read it....it was more of a cathartic exercise for me.

Not that anyone is reading this anyway :-)

Two years later....

 Chicago!

I'm actually surprised that my blog is still here.  After all, it has been two years since I've blogged about anything or even checked the site.  So I guess a bit of a catching up session is in order.  I'm now living in Chicago.  It's an incredible city and even though I've only been here a year, my past lives in different cities seem distant.  Kyle started his residency here (hence the move to Chicago) and he's about to finish his first year as a real, actual doctor!  He's turning into a great doctor and he's worked incredibly hard to get through this first year.

And I'm leaving him.  When I agreed to move here with him (in lieu of a proposal) I told him he had a year to figure out what he wants for us and well, he still has no idea.  So, after almost 5 years together he doesn't know if he wants to propose and I'm tired of hoping he will.  I've found a new place to live and I move out at the end of the month.  You may be wondering how I can admit this and, at least on the surface, not seem too upset?  Hmmm, well, I was upset....I still am upset.  I was upset when he said he was going to propose before match day over a year ago and then decided he wasn't ready.  I was upset over the next year when time was ticking by and he still hadn't proposed.....I'm upset because I've known all along that he is the guy I wanted to marry.  And now I'm upset that I'm making the difficult choice to leave him when all I want to do is stay.

So there is my dirty laundry---I'm airing it out.  I'm starting over at 32 and I'm scared and unsure of what the future is going to bring, but I have a fabulous family and friends and a great dog.  A great dog unless there is another dog within 50 feet of us and then he's a barking terror on a leash.  A behavioralist/trainer is coming on Monday....

I'll be back with more updates soon.  But now it's time to turn on some music and start packing......

WTF?

Why do I feel guilty? Some random teenager knocked at my door at 9:45 tonight to tell me that I have an opossum living under my front porch. Of course I was immediately suspicious of someone knocking at my door that late, never mind that it is some funky-looking guy. Cooper was barking like mad (good dog!). The guy tells me about it, then says he can show me where the hole is by my porch and I'm like, "yeah, I know where it is" (which I do) and I thank him for letting me know.

I close the door and I feel guilty. Why? Because I was suspicious? Because I kept the porch door closed and locked? Maybe this kid was just honestly trying to be nice and helpful and I'm all paranoid.

I'm pretty certain I know why I feel guilty......but that's an entirely different matter.

Even Cooper is sleepy

Kyle and I slept in this morning. We had a late night last night, so sleeping in was appropriate. The only problem is that it's now after 1 am and I'm awake and watching an episode of Modern Marvels about Disney World. Kyle went to bed hours ago--he has the amazing ability to be sleepy no matter what time he woke up. I, on the other hand, have become a creature of habit. If I *can* sleep in past 9, I can't freakin' fall asleep that night. I guess the gratuitous chocolate consumption around 11 pm didn't help.....

Cooper (who has been asleep constantly--besides a few potty breaks, dinner, and a good brush-out--since I picked him up from doggie day care around 1 pm) has buried his head under a pillow on the sofa as a "it's too late for the living room lights to still be on" protest. :-)

Easter snowfall

Thursday was the first day of spring.

Friday it snowed several inches.

Kyle and I went to our favorite cuban restaurant for dinner and it was very odd to look out the window at the beautiful snowfall. That morning Detroit NPR announced a "spring storm watch" to include several inches of snow. How weird is that? I'm incredibly ready for spring.........

hello?.......

.....is anyone out there (and still checking)? Doubtfull, but I'll blog anyway :-)

Wow. It's been since August since I last blogged and not too much has happened. I started my new job and I love it. I'm an Infection Prevention Specialist. What that means = I tell doctors to wash their hands and to not drink their coffee on rounds. Honestly, it is definitely more involved than that; I perform surveillance for hospital acquired infections......have you ever heard of MRSA? I'm all over that! The benefit to this new job is that I have something different to do each day and I still use my public health training. Actually I was just accepted as a presenter for the National Association for Professionals in Infection Control and Epidemiology conference. I'm very excited about it not only because of the honor, but also because it's in Denver, CO and I've never been!

Cooper is getting to be one big dog; in fact, I bought him a new crate and it has a picture of a Great Dane on the front of the box. He isn't that big, but he certainly is tall and long......but not like a Great Dane. Yeah. I'm thinking about adding to my little family by raising a Paws with a Cause puppy. I would apply for a puppy that I would raise and train to be an assistance dog. Cooper would love the company and I would get to play with (and train) a beautiful little golden ball of fur. Kyle isn't too thrilled by the prospect of another barking puppy, but I'm thinking about it......

Kyle threw me a surprise 30th birthday party in December! Kyle is doing well as a mini-doc--rotating through the different departments in the hospitals. I certainly have become an independent woman! He's currently on a week of nights delivering babies. But, we do get to see each other rather frequently otherwise. In all honesty, I can't wait until he's done with all of this, but then I remember the six. years. of. residency. At least we'll get to spend next year together taking fun trips around the country and possibly visiting Africa for his "easy" rotations :-)

nephew Josh and Cooper

Updates!

Sorry it has been a while, but I've been busy:

1. Preparing to start............MY NEW JOB!! Yes, yes, that is right. I finally found a new job. And it is a job that I am going to love.
2. Researching and buying a new car (way overdue!)
3. Getting my haircut fixed. I went to a different stylist to get my first cut "fine tuned" and now it looks short, but stylish.
4. Tending to my hospitalized boyfriend. He had a spontaneous pneumothorax, aka: his lung collapsed without warning, while he was eating lunch on Monday......all because he fits the "tall, slender, 25 - 35 yo" description. They can't tell him anything else about why it happened.
5. Being super-sleepy.

goodnight!

Productive me (?)

First, Steph and Matt's wedding was fantastic! I could certainly feel the love, so much so that I fought back tears a few times during the ceremony (as most of the women there did.....). At the ceremony I caught up with friends that I haven't seen in a while, some since leaving Ann Arbor over a year ago: Mer and Alex, Alison, Gaby and Greg, Mary and Jeremy, etc. What fun! AND, get this: Steph's cousin, who sat at the same dinner table as Kyle and I, grew up by me in Georgia and went to the high school I almost went to and then we found out that she atttended the small Michigan liberal arts college that Kyle almost went to.....two random connections to one person! Crazy.

Since then I've been filling my time by making my way through my Netflix que, walking Cooper, cleaning my house (dog hair EVERYWHERE!) and I ordered a random On Demand movie one night. Did anyone ever see "The Pirate Movie" circa 1982 starring Kristy McNichol and Christopher someone? Horrible musical about pirates, but my sister and I used to watch it over and over again when we were little and I still remember the words to the songs. I was worried that my new haircut looked bad, but it looks stellar compared to some of the 1982 hair :-)

And one other little thing: I got a new job!! It's a job in a field that I've been trying to break into for several months now, so I'm obviously ecstatic. A pay raise, a entirely different field of work, new coworkers, more responsibility.......I'll divulge more details once I get the offical offer letter from HR and let my current employer know I'm gettin' the heck out of there!

3 inches?!

I went to get my hair cut today. It had been since April! I searched online for a few pictures representing what I wanted and brought them into my stylist. He was very excited about my choice and, being a 15 year-or-so veteran of the hair cutting industry was positive that he could make my hair look fabulous.

The good news is that he gave me a great hair cut, the bad news is that the length is about 3 inches shorter than we had originally discussed. He said he got "scissor happy". I definitely don't look like I had imagined I would. I feel I look like a german school girl. My hair is just above my chin....at the longest. And it doesn't help that the McDonald's drive through guy addressed me as "miss" more than once--I believe that affirms my "I look like a german school girl" insecurity.

We'll see what I can pull off tomorrow when I style it for the first time in preparation to attend Steph's wedding!!

Music

Nope, I'm not feeling too snappy tonight when it comes to post titles. Sorry. My nephew is now back home in VA and I have a lot of free time all of a sudden. You'd think I'd spend all of this free time cleaning my house, which is now a disaster. I believe Cooper has been sleeping on the pile of "clean" clothes on my bedroom floor....clean clothes that have spilled over from my laundry basket, the laundry basket that has been sitting on my floor for over two weeks now. That's how a) busy I've been, and b) unmotivated I am now that I have free time. Instead of cleaning I have been taking the time to just relax. I think this "just relaxing" is really code for "taking a day or two to be sad now that my nephew has left".

Cooper doesn't seem to mind my lack of cleaning activities. I left him out of his crate tonight when I ran a quick errand--the first time he's had that freedom. I came home to a happy Cooper and a decimated bag of peanuts. I had left a paper bag full of peanuts-in-the-shell on the dining room table and Cooper climbed up on the table and ripped the bag to shreds. I would have loved to have seen that scene. Oh, and he finished a small bag of animal crackers, too. For a dog who doesn't get people food, he must have been in doggie heaven.

On to the title of my post: music. I've been filling some of my free time by listening to music. I miss music. Music and I have a long, passionate history, but this past year in Detroit was rather music-free. I started listening to some random songs I downloaded from iTunes: Klaxons, Guster, Stereophonics, and the new Interpol album. I then started craving some of my past favorites: Jeff Buckley, Coldplay.....I'll be reacquainting myself with music and I'm looking forward to it.

Sunrise at Kyle's cabin

Can it be.....

......do I post once again? It has been 5 MONTHS since my last post. Kyle gave up checking my blog and only because he'd been checking dilligently every day or two until I told him about two months ago to not waste his time. I have occasionally felt bad for not updating, but that twinge was soon overtaken by a twinge of laziness. Does that make sense? Anyway, I haven't been lazy in my daily life, which is what matters.

I have been spurred into action by a friend's tag--thanks are due to Kara
Here are the rules of blog-tag (apparently):
1. Let others know who tagged you.
2. Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.
3. Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.
4. Players should tag 8 other people and notify them they have been tagged.

So, here are the facts of what has been happening in my life over the past 5 months:
1. I moved out of Detroit and into a 2 bedroom bungalow in Ferndale (thaaaaank gooooodness!).
2. I adopted a coon hound mix puppy that I named Cooper. He is my new best buddy :-)
3. Kyle has been studying for the boards and is now a rotating through the hospital as a 3rd year med student.........therefore, he's had one day off of work in two weeks.
4. I never see my boyfriend.
5. My nephew is in town visiting me for 10 days! Between taking care of a puppy and a 4 year old, I'm exhausted.
6. While taking care of my nephew over the past week there have been times that I believe I'll make an excellent mother (when the time comes) and there have been times when I fear for my (future) children's lives. :-)
7. I'm looking forward to a new career (details are top secret).
8. Another one of my high school friends has gotten married and another one has had a baby. I feel old.

Unfortunately, I only know a few bloggers and most of them have already been tagged.
1. Steph, who is studying for the bar and may not have time to respond
2. Goat, who may not be checking my blog anymore......

Below are a few pics for your viewing enjoyment.

Josh and Cooper taking a nap together. And yes, they did this all by themselves.

Kyle got tired and Josh did some pulling :-)

My boy Cooper (isn't he adorable!?)

Recap

Here's a quick recap of the past month's happenings:

• I found a perfect pair of shoes to match my dress AND they were on sale!
  
• Kyle and I looked goooooood at the med school gala:

• I joined a local gym and I love it
• Call me supervisor: I'm supervising 3 people at work
• Thanks to the Myers-Brigs, I now know what "type" I am (you know, extroverted/introverted, thinking/feeling, sensing/intuition, judging/perceiving, etc) and the past few months' frustrations at work seem to all make sense now.....
• I really want a dog
• I really want to move out of Detroit
• My sweetie made me a very romantic Valentine's Day dinner
• I've eaten way too much Valentine's day chocolate (GYM!!)
• I have four special vacations planned in the next two months
• Netflix is awesome!

Wanted: Fancy Shoes

Today I went shopping for a dress to wear to the med school Gala and I realized that I have expensive taste, which is unfortunate because I won't pay for expensive things. Being poor in grad school really restructured my spending habits. So I ooh and ahh over gorgeous things and then walk away........unless there is a sale (that's the only reason I own a pair of Coach black leather pumps and other beautiful shoes). And today there was a sale! I found a perfect dress that satisfies my craving for expensive things that also happened to be 50% off. Now all I need is a pair of fancy shoes. Of course the ones I love are really expensive.......

In other news, I started running again. And apparently the "in" thing to do at a certain local park is to sit in your car and smoke pot. As I ran that's all I could smell. I then realized that almost every car that I ran past had at least one person sitting in it and sometimes there was a towel covering part of the window. How sketchy is that? I suddenly started feeling a little unsafe in my mid-day surroundings. It was kinda like one of those pictures where at first glance you see one thing and as you keep looking at it a whole different picture emerges.

Happy New Year 2007!

It's a new year and I'm still not quite sure where the old one went......I've been busy (obviously, since I haven't posted in ages). Here are a few things that have happened since I last posted:

• I spent a wonderful Thanksgiving with Kyle's family.
• I celebrated my 29th birthday with 2 fun outings (and no, I'm not freaked out about "the big 3-0").
• I now officially dislike my job.
• I visited my mom in Phoenix for Christmas, where Jess and Josh joined us.
• Kyle and I made plans to go skiing---but there has been NO SNOW!
• I've eaten at a few great restaurants.
• I now know what the swim cap and goggles joke is all about.
  
• Kyle and I went to friends' new house for a fabulous New Year's Eve party.

I've discovered that I love giving more than receiving when it comes to Christmas gifts--or gifts in general. Now don't get me wrong, I love getting presents, but I was more excited about giving the people I love meaningful gifts than I was about getting gifts. I put a lot of thought an effort into this year's gifts. I'm especially proud of what I gave Kyle: an autographed Bo Schembechler photograph. I framed it and everything! I was excited because I knew it was something he'd absolutely love. His gift to me was equally impressive: jewelry! Typical girl, right? ;-) He gets bonus points for braving a jewelry store on his own and for making an excellent choice in earrings.

My mom is all about giving meaningful gifts as well. I received my great-grandmother's antique cake platter and some other amazing things. Christmas in Phoenix was wonderful. I hadn't seen my mom in over a year and hadn't been out to Phoenix in over three years. It was a sunny and warm 75 degrees! Josh is growing up so fast and becoming a typical four year old boy: cute with a little snotty mixed in.

Kyle and I took complete advantage of his lengthy Holiday break and spent lots of time together. We actually rented a movie to watch! Even more amazing is the fact that he willingly went to the mall with me to find shoes (for a man with very limited time, I took this as a sign of his over-flowing affection for me). As a sign of my over-flowing affection for him, I watched three Michigan sporting events in the span of 24 hours. Yes. Two in person and all a disappointment to us Michigan fans: Michigan Basketball vs. Georgetown (the Georgetown fans at Crisler arena were obnoxious!), Michigan Hockey vs. MSU at the Joe, and then of course the let down of them all.....the Rose Bowl. Oh well. Good try, boys.

After almost three years in Michigan, I finally made it to Canada! I live literally across the river from Canada and I've never ventured across the border. I mean, we aren't talking Toronto or Montreal here, it's Windsor. Full of 19 and up bars and one Casino Windsor, soon to be a Caesar's Windsor Casino. So we went because it is absolutely smoke-free and it is in Canada and we both walked away winners. Once you get past all of the 19 and up kids roaming around in their ball caps and Hollister gear, the Casino is really nice. I'm not a casino pro, so I ended up feeling a little overwhelmed and nervous, but I started with $20 on the roulette table and walked away with $60!

Now it's back to work (blech) but I have a few fun activities planned for January and before I know it, February will be here.

Santa Kyle

Happy New Year!

Happy, Happy Weekend

Yeah, 6th row at the Big House!

This past weekend was full of fun things!

• Dinner at an excellent restaurant and going to the Detroit Symphony Orchestra to watch the Wizard of Oz as they played the movie score was a perfect way for Kyle and I to celebrate one year together.
  
• On Saturday we had 6th row tickets to the UM vs. Ball State game (don't get me started on how we almost blew the game to Ball State).
  
• Piddling around Ann Arbor Saturday afternoon. The piddling was good.
  
• We met up with friends Matt and Steph for dinner and then Alison and Kyle's friend Matt for drinks at Ashley's bar. We had a table right by the window, which is my favorite spot.
  

I miss Ann Arbor. I miss it a lot.

Happy Halloween!

Once again it's Halloween and I'm on the sofa in my pjs (remember last year's post?) And once again, I partied like crazy prior to Halloween so I could just sit on the sofa in my pjs tonight. Kyle and I went to the med school post-test/Halloween party last Friday night and had (too much of) a good time. I went as a "Stud Finder"......aka, a 40's pin-up girl with a toolbelt, a hard hat, and lots of leg :-) Kyle went as Capt. Jack Sparrow and I didn't think it was possible, but he looked even taller than his natural 6'5" stature. I think it was the hair. Anyway, we both looked fantastic and had an amazing time.

Of course we spent all of the next day on the sofa, watching the UM game (go blue!) and trying not to move too much for fear of exploding heads and eternal dizziness.

Sunday was another Halloween-type day. We went to a local cider mill for apples, donuts, and pumpkins! Then we headed out to Greenfield Village for their family-friendly Halloween walk. We were surrounded by tykes in costumes and ghoulish decorations and hundreds of jack-o-lanterns. And no Halloween is complete without watching "It's the great pumpkin, Charlie Brown", which we did while carving our pumpkins :-)

Back to work!

Potomac River

I'm back to my usual routine after my trip to DC, which was excellent. After my meetings during the day I enjoyed spending time with my family and one night I met up with my friend Julia for dinner. It was great seeing a SPH friend!

I took the Metro into Bethesda one day during rush hour and vowed never to do it again. I love the Metro. I think it is a fantastic system for avoiding horrendous traffic....except when you are packed tight, there's "traffic" in the tunnel (turning an hour commute into an hour and 45 minute commute) with lots of starting and stopping, and you suffer easily from motion sickness. Ugh. Needless to say, I drove the next day. But I happily took the Metro for all of my other DC adventures.

The fam is great. I miss them terribly. Dad and I took a walk along the bike trail by Reagan National and I realized how much I miss having an outlet for outdoor physical activity!! Detroit isn't so hot for the walking trails.

Kyle flew in on Friday night and on Saturday the two of us, Josh, and Jess took the Metro in to explore a few museums. Also, Kyle and I had the extraordinary luck to get to go up to the top of the Washington Monument! I hadn't been up there since I was 10 years old (pre-restoration days) and it was worth the wait. Dad met up with us later in the day and we had a huge family feast that night. Ahhh, family :-)

Now that I'm back, work is more frenzied, I have to catch up on my classwork, and I need to figure out what the heck I'm going to do for Halloween! I've been slacking on my costume decision.....

Jess, Josh, and Kyle goofin' off ;-)

On the road

I'm posting from a remote location this week. My company sent me to DC for a few days of training before our big study starts and it just so happens that my training location is only a few miles away from where my family lives. Consequently, I don't see this week as training, but as a little vacation where I get to spend a whole week with the fam. So nice.....

AND next Friday Kyle is flying in to spend the weekend with me and the fam! I just know that this time is going to go by way too fast. Luckily, time in general is going by fast so it won't be long until I see the fam again. :)

Work!

I find it funny. Really. Well no, not really....it isn't funny. I'm frustrated with my job. I love the company. I like my co-workers. I can't stand the apparently "normal" development process of a large study. It's essentially like having 10 very important, very intelligent, and very busy people in the same room and trying to get them to decide on something--just. one. thing. Except that everyone is talking via conference call. No one can make up their mind and once they do, they change it.

As the Project Manager, I'm responsible for the logistics of the study: making sure what is decided on is carried out. Ah, you see my dilemma. I make preparations, work for days on something, then I get the word that so and so changed their mind and we're doing it "this" way now. I'm really good at my job. What makes me good at my job is my attention to detail, thinking through tasks and being thorough. I like timelines, knowing what needs to happen when, how things need to happen. Unfortunately, the traits that make me good at my job also make me prone to endless frustration at how these studies typically run. What I didn't know about large multi-center studies is that people are always changing their minds, nothing is ever set in stone, the details are constantly changing. I can't rely on the study protocol in order to get tasks completed because the study protocol is obsolete 10 minutes after the "final" draft is created.

We're 4 weeks away from launching this large study. I'm freaking out at this point, seeing as how I need to do 4 million things in the next 4 weeks and we're still discussing the details. Aaarrgghhh!! Just to be clear, this is how things typically run. I either need to adapt or find another job! I think I'm doing a pretty good job at adapting.

Luckily, I have a full, lovely life outside of work (why I haven't been updating my blog) that keeps me happy!

Ah, such relaxation!

I really needed it. Kyle needed it more. A weekend to just get away from work and school to just relax. The weekend bags were packed with only t-shirts, shorts, and bathing suits, with a few books that have nothing to do with anything remotely related to our daily activities.

After a trip to the med school post-test party on Friday night we headed up north to the family cabin. The car ride was full of random conversations, crazy moments and lots of trying-to-stay-awake activities. We pulled in around 4 am and naturally got a late start to the day on Saturday--but that's what we were there for! To relax, not worry about timelines, and do whatever the heck we wanted. It rained and stormed like crazy on Saturday, which was actually really nice and peaceful. There was a break in the storm long enough for us to take the new sailboat out on the lake and to get some dinner. After dinner we enjoyed more gazing at the lake, reading..........and ultimately falling asleep while reading. That was me--I just couldn't keep my eyes open! Sunday was a beautiful day and we took the sailboat out again for a trip around the lake. I was very impressed with Kyle's sailing skills and by the end of the weekend he had me sailing, too--well, at least pulling on the right ropes.

All in all it was exactly what we had wanted it to be--an incredibly nice getaway where we didn't have to think about anything at all.